Thursday, 27 August 2009

Bored now...

What would you do if I sang out of tune?
Would you develop an addiction to meths?

Last night I consumed a horrendous amount
Of Ben and Jerry’s chocolate fudge sundae
Whilst I watched the repeat of Shooting Stars
And smeared chocolate all over my duvet

The night before I did partake
in a weighty evening of drink
and now after 21 days in a row
it happens I’m starting to think

That

I’m killing myself with lovely things
I’m putting on weight everyday
I’m killing myself with lovely things
But at least it’s more pleasant this way


This eve to a burlesque night
I received a delightful suggestion
And I think it only polite to arrive
For failure is out of the question

Thus it’s not the pretty ladies
Or their distinct lack of thread
But merely as a warning to others
That it is pertinent I attend

To warn these underlings of the future
If they continue to mimic my life
Of gin, of brandy and simple cider
So, alas, they will hear of my strife

For

I’m killing myself with lovely things
I’m putting on weight everyday
I’m killing myself with lovely things
But at least it’s more pleasant this way

I’m killing myself with lovely things
And no one but I can be blamed
I’m killing myself with lovely things
But at least it’s more surreal this way


So I’ll drink mulled wine
And smoke Gauloise
And continue to shorten my breathes

For what would you do if I sang out of tune?
Would you encourage my addiction to meths?

Thursday, 20 August 2009

The Petty Life of an Administrator

You don’t know what you’re doing
You don’t know what you’re doing
But this roll it means nothing
This whole profession means nothing

Clicked out of existence
No one would care
Except your biros and stapler
Would be going spare
Even though you wrote your name in tip-ex
I’d scratch it off
And use 2 staplers as make shift crocodile puppets

You don’t know what you’re doing
You don’t know what you’re doing
But this roll means nothing
And I’ve had my fill of facebook

Admin changes the world
From the photocopy assistants
To the PM’s pa

Microsoft office
Changes this world
Call me a taxi. I’m leaving

So you sit at your desk
Eating baguette du monde
With a bow tie you think you look suave
And when you address me
You avert your gawp
I didn’t realise I was the 21st century medusa

Admin changes the world
From the military defence accountant
To the zoo PR exec

Admin changes the world
From the NHS pamphlets
To the database tech

Admin changes the world
But not constructively.

Credit crunch budget
Change this world
Call me a taxi. I’m leaving.

Wednesday, 12 August 2009

And whilst I'm on the subject...

Fickle, trend following, skinny jeans and vintage jacket wearing arrogant twats who craft their "unique" hair styles for hours each morning before their 10 hour weeks behind the bar at a new electro/indie venue.

Those few who broadcast when it's their day to sign on and how cocaine is better in Manchester and those many who write music on micro Korgs so they can start a myspace page and play new rave house parties.

Fuck off and learn to spell. It's you're not your, i.e. you're a waste of space.
Here's my one-line-synth-heavy-house-beat-driven-nonsense for you entitled simply

Untitled

It’s easy to be pretentious.

Thursday, 6 August 2009

Compressors/Limiters – Simplified…. well sort of…

This is my attempt at explaining compressor and limiter technology. I will probably get some bits wrong. Please don’t write in and complain. I’m having a shot at it so just be happy that I’m trying.

Ok

An audio compressor is either a hardware or software device which can automatically reduce the output gain of a signal with respect to its input, by a pre-determined or selectable ratio, once that signal has exceeded a specified threshold value.

Still with me so far?

When using a compressor/limiter device the result is heard as a reduction of dynamic range, allowing the R.M.S. (Root Mean Square) volume being used within a session to be increased without “clipping” or driving over the capacity of the recording (tracking) or playback system.

Got that?

In simple terms a compressor/limiter type device can make audio content sound louder by reducing the difference between the quiet and loud sounds, or dynamic range.

Simples.

Compression is used for a variety of reasons, including noise reduction, emphasis (e.g. to make vocals stand out in a dense mix), ducking, and artistic effects such as “pumping”. These aspects are discussed in more detail below.

It’s probably worth noting that a compressor can be inserted into the signal path at a variety of points, however, it is usually deployed pre-fade and/or on group and mix busses.

Overview of Compressor Technology

Typical compressors work by utilising a variable gain amplifier which is controlled by a signal derived from the amplitude envelope of the signal being processed. Above the threshold level, the control signal acts on the variable gain amplifier to reduce the output gain.

When the compressor is reading signals up to the threshold figure, the variable gain amplifier will operate at unity gain, or a ratio of 1:1 (i.e. for every 1dB increase in input signal amplitude, there will be a 1dB increase in output signal amplitude). Typically the amount of gain reduction, applied above the threshold, will be user selectable and expressed as a ratio. For example, a ratio of 2:1 will produce an output gain of only 0.5 dB for every 1 dB of input gain.

Hang in there.

In some compressor and limiter devices there is a set or fixed threshold with linked input and output gain controls which can be used to push the signal into compression. Most other compressor and limiter devices employ variable threshold and comparator circuitry to achieve the same effect.

Other than the input and output gain controls and the compression ratio there will be several additional parameters. These typically include user variable attack and release times, and sometimes, control for the “knee”. The attack and release times refer to the delay before the gain reduction is applied (attack), and the amount of time the gain reduction remains in operation after the input signal has dropped below the threshold value (release).

Attack and release times can usually be varied from lass than 1ms, to several seconds. The knee parameter determines the rate at which the gain reduction is applied, with a hard knee referring to an almost instant application of the full amount of gain reduction, and a soft knee referring to a more gradual application of gain reduction. Example of both of these types of knee can be seen below in some stolen graphs below.

Many compression/limiting devices have a pre-set knee determined by their design parameters, whilst others enable operator selection of the knee characteristics.








Figure 1. Example: Hard and Soft Knee. (Source: http://www.massenburg.com/cgi-bin/ml/8900ref.html)

Finally, most compression/limiting devices or software includes a gain makeup control to allow adjustment of the compressed output signal to the required level.

Phew, that wasn’t as fun as I’d hoped.

So let’s go again, this time with limiters….


Limiting can be considered as an extreme form of compression, and whilst there is no formal definition, many sound engineers consider compression ratios in excess of 10:1 to be limiting, though ratios can extend up to and including ∞:1 (thanks Kadis, J.).

The main purpose of limiting is to ensure that no programme content exceeds a pre-determined level, and whilst compression is often employed as a sound sculpting tool, limiting is typically (though not exclusively) employed to ensure that the operational parameters of the system (recording/ transmission/ playback) are not exceeded due to high amplitude transients. Thus, it is not unusual to use compression then limiting in series.

So next time you stare at those pretty green and red flickering lights on your Beringher rack you’ll know what’s what.

What?

Saturday, 1 August 2009

Lyrics are a poor man’s Tetris

Every so often I try to write
A song that fits together
I concentrate hard on form and rhyme
But always ignore the structure

So then I’m left with a literary muddle
That neither looks or sounds delightful
Perhaps it’s not the text; but the context
That makes a song insightful

With this in mind
I have chosen to design
A verse shaped like a pyramid
Longer and longer shall each line get
Up until I have had my fill of it
Then; they start to contract
Each line plays its part
It seems I’m very
Good at this
And here
We see
Great
Art