Rocky has the only bacon in Ladywood

12

Not the number 12 bus

Nor the amount it costs for a taxi from town to the N.E.C

And nothing to do with 12 drummers drumming

Yesterday afternoon I was greeted, upon my arrival into Aston train station, by 12 police officers. 12 police officers who were there for no other reason than to desperately try to catch the occasional fare jumper.

12

Now let us compare that figure to the amount of police currently active in my neighbourhood. Yep, you guessed it – that’s 12 more than walk the beat in Ladywood.

Let me reminisce over the times that I’ve needed the police… House broken into twice, chavs clambering over my roof looking for a way in and that time a runaway kid chose my house to seek refuge and how long did the police take to come? Between 2 to 3 hours in each case.

It would seem that they are all at Aston train station on their top priority sting.

Well....

If you insist on standing in the middle of a busy corridor,
holding a loud conversation with your rebellious brother-in-law,
whilst a queue forms behind you that you’re too involved to see,
I might set fire to your legs.

And then I stomach your presence whilst waiting for my dinner,

listening to ‘who kissed who’ and your plans to get much thinner,

then you invite your friends to go before you so you can sit together,

so I decide I might cut your brake line.

But I’m more inclined to mutter...

...and I bet you'll be on my train.